Entitled coworker pressures employee to give up vacation day for her wedding, employee refuses, prompting backlash: 'I said I didn't want to do that!'

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Jan 19, 2026 8:00 AM EST

Vacation days are precious. Why would you give them away to someone who wouldn't return the favor?

These two coworkers were not friends. In fact, they barely interacted except for a few pleasant exchanges in the office kitchenette. The author should have known that something was up the second her coworker pulled her aside to ask her something in confidence.

For some background information, at this company, it was really difficult to schedule PTO directly before or after a national holiday. So when this employee decided to take the day after Martin Luther King Day off, she had to schedule this day almost a year in advance in order to ensure that she could claim it. This meant that it would be even more difficult for other coworkers to take off on that same day due to a need for "all hands on deck" after federal vacation days, especially if someone tries to make a request at the last minute.

That's exactly what happened to this author's coworker. She managed to schedule six days off for her upcoming wedding but decided that she needed an additional day. She was told by human resources that this was not possible, given the fact that the author had already scheduled off that day. So rather than try to use her wedding as an excuse with HR or take a sick day, the coworker decided that she was well within her rights to march up to the author and try to convince her to give up her day. Again, the author had scheduled this day off almost a year in advance. Why should she have to suffer just because the coworker is getting married?

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  • The coworker is not the only person to blame here. Sure, she was entitled to think she could convince the author to give up her vacation just for the sake of her own wedding (which the coworker wasn't even invited to, but I digress). Still, the real people at fault here are the senior managers of this company.

    Workers should not have to feel the need to request a single day of PTO an entire year in advance in order to avoid conflicts with other coworkers. Furthermore, if the operations of this business cannot function when two individuals are gone on the same day, then that is not the fault of the employees. That's on the business itself!

  • Two female coworkers working on a laptop together in an office.
    via Resume Genius

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "[Am I wrong] for not giving my vacation day to a coworker getting married?"

    My job does vacation days by seniority and we submit the bulk of our vacation requests at the same time every
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  • So you kind of need to plan ahead if you have big plans, or you need to work around the days that are still available after we submit all our leave requests.
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  • When we did this process in March of 2025, I submitted a request for the day after MLK day in January 2026.
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  • The day after a holiday is brutal at my job, there is a lot more work to do and you are often stuck there late.
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  • I have frequently tried to get the day after a federal holiday off. Lucky me, there was one slot available and I was the only person to request it, so I got it.
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  • Fast forward to December of 2025, and a coworker approaches me and tells me she is getting married.
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  • This is top secret info and she is only telling a few people, but she would really like me to let her know if I cancel my vacation day so she can put in for it.
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  • She was able to get 6 days off for this secret wedding, but she really wanted my day off also.
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  • Ok, that's fine, I'll let you know. I could tell she was expecting me to immediately agree because she seemed kind of dejected.
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  • A day or two later she tells me she doesn't want it anymore. I said ok, I probably wasn't going to cancel it anyway.
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  • She said she thinks I would have because it's a big deal. After this our relationship at work was about the same still.
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  • Which is to say, I hardly know this woman and we're not friends or anything. Just cordial coworkers.
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  • Not long after the vacation day request there was a point where we were being forced to work overtime based on our seniority level.
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  • She was first in line and I was second. She asked me if I would trade spots with her because she had something going on after work and I said I didn't want to do that.
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  • After that point she has stopped talking to me entirely. A couple of my other coworkers seem a little standoffish towards me now also, I can only speculate that it is because of something she said but I don't know for sure.
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  • A woman sits opposite her female coworker at a table in an office.
    via Resume Genius

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Right_Cucumber5775 Well, life does happen. Events come up during the year that are unplanned. Didn't your parents teach you to treat others as you want to be treated? Being honest, you don't sound very nice. True, you requested time off and are not obligated to change that, no argument. But what if you had something come up - a sudden illness or death in family, a surprise wedding, pipes freeze, etc? Wouldn't you hope someone would show you some kindness? Finding a balance of being kind and flex
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  • Theblueportal Original Poster's Reply Well, we do have sick leave and bereavement leave, but point taken.
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  • JellyfishSure1360 Nta- but I would bring this to hrs attention. She's actively gossiping about you to turn co-workers against you creating a toxic work environment. I also imagine any one of those co- workers could have covered her ot but probably also didn't want to. Don't feel bad her poor planning. It does not mean you have to give up your earned pto or change seniority. She doesn't sound like the type that would do it in return.
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  • Theblueportal Original Poster's Reply > She's actively gossiping about you to turn co-workers against you creating a toxic work environment. I don't know that for sure, I wouldn't want to go that far. > I also imagine any one of those co-workers could have covered her ot This is true, she could have asked multiple other people but only asked me which I found strange.
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  • Unable_Pumpkin987 People are being standoffish because they don't particularly like you. You're perfectly within your rights to be unwilling to change your nonspecific plans to do nothing to help out someone who has plans to do something specific at a particular time. You're allowed to do that. Other people are within their rights to see you do that and think that you're not a person they like very much or want to interact with when they aren't obligated to. They're allowed to do that, too. You
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  • yourlittlebirdie NTA. But at the same time, don't expect anyone else to do any favors for you around the office. If you get a reputation in your workplace as the person who never helps anyone else out even when they could, then you're going to have zero social capital to draw on in the event that you need help from others.
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  • Lighthouse_on_Mars #NTA for not giving up your time off, BUT your starting to exhibit a pattern that you won't be helpful at all. In the future if something happens and you need a shift covered, be ready for people to turn you down as you don't seem like a team player at this point. It's one thing to say no to a pre- arranged time off request as you've done it far in advance. Saying no to a shift cover right after starts to show that you don't want to go out of your way at all. Ever. At least th
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  • ChicknSoop NTA, you don't owe anyone else anything At the same time, don't expect people to do you any favors either
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  • jentuckyfriedchick3n NTA. Maybe if you're getting married in January don't wait until December to book your time off lol.
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  • heyitsta 12 NTA but people are being standoffish because you're presenting yourself as someone who's not a team player or willing to be helpful in a bind. Not wanting to switch the day was fine. Not wanting to switch spots for overtime... eh? That's a bit different. You're fine to not want to accommodate but just know you won't receive many favors from your coworkers in the future.
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  • Dry_Future_852 "I probably wasn't going to anyway." This is where YTA: this was completely unnecessary. You're not obligated to switch, but it's a kindness you could have extended. But telling her you're going to wash your hair is kind of a dck move,, even if it's true. *not literal, just what it sounds like to an observer.
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  • Two female coworkers sit at a table eyeing one another awkwardly while working on their laptops.
    via Resume Genius

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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aita workplace-stories coworker stories toxic-workplace wedding PTO entitled coworker vacation
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